spookthempolitely:

when i first got my tumblr i was a huge fucking dork and i enabled that thing that puts your tumblr posts on your facebook but then i forgot that i did that and reblogged a post that said “reblog if your dick is as big as the universe”  and my mom was like “oh my” and my great uncle saw it and commented “that’s my girl” and i have never been so done in my life

pizza:

rockandkrull:

pizza:

i don’t understand why parents say ‘i’m very disappointed in you’ like i don’t care i’m very disappointed that mcdonalds doesn’t deliver but u don’t hear me complaining about it

actually in new york they deliver so whats your excuse

i live in australia and im 103% sure they don’t deliver from new york to australia so whats YOUR excuse for leaving a shitty comment on my text post 

richwhitelesbian:

he’s makin a list

checkin’ it twice!

gonna find out if you’re middle class and white

noonereadstheurl:

I honestly can’t blame David Karp for wanting to sell this website

You can only be called “daddy” by white middle-class teenaged girls so many times before something just snaps

aepicstranger:

thisretrodreamisneverending:

In physics the other day my teacher started having this coughing fit

so he says ‘I THINK SATAN IS CHOKING ME’

and I just went ‘Sorry’ and he stopped coughing

omg I think everyone in my class is terrified now.

i am still laughing at this from like twenty minutes ago

sunshineface0014:

assbutt-in-the-garrison:

I need my glasses to find my glasses do you see my problem

You can’t even see your problem

megaman2:

megaman2:

“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”

“no, i said she was fucking goofy”

please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother